A thought from ‘not your average’ dog owner

Let me start off by saying I love my dog with every ounce of my being. For nearly 12 years, every single day has been planned for him. He’s the reason I have the jobs I do, the relationships I’ve formed, the car I drive. Everything.

Here’s the thing, it’s beyond exhausting. I’m aware some of that is my own doing. I struggle to leave him for long periods of time, so holidays are a challenge. I struggle to let other people help me full stop to be honest. It’s a bit hypocritical of me, as a professional, I expect people to trust me with their animals, but I can count on one hand the amount of people I would leave him with for any period of time.

So why am I in absolutely no hurry to get another dog?

The short answer, it’s bloody hard work.

Maybe you’ll want more of an explanation than that, so settle in for the back story.

Skeeter was a family dog; he was the dog we got even though Dad said no way. For 8 years he had 4 of us looking after him. He had a team. We did everything in turns. When it came to vet trips, we had each other, something I completely took for granted.

For one reason and other, Skeeter ended up living with me and my other half. When my mum and dad moved away, it was absolutely not up for discussion that he was staying with me. I wouldn’t have it any other way, even in and amongst the stress. However, I did completely underestimate just how hard that would be and how alone I would feel at times.

My other half loves him too, this wasn’t always the case but they are the best of friends now. But he is my dog. This is in no way a criticism of our relationship but when push comes to shove, he’s mine. I do the vet trips, the physio, the walking, the poo picking. We just about share the feeding and the last trip outside before bed. That’s as far as it goes. He is my responsibility.

I didn’t choose to have a dog on my own, not knowingly anyway. I had no idea of the stress that would put on me. To be the sole person who with every plan says “but what about Skeeter?”

Planning when I go out, when I come home, when he comes with me, dealing with his issues as and when they crop up, sorting his food, keeping him comfortable as he ages. The list is endless and I know I’ve missed so many things off. The biggie for me is the emergencies, the manic vet trips. In the last 6 months we’ve had 2 mad dashes to the vets. Twice I thought I was going to lose him. Absolutely terrifying. The family dog had a team, 11-year-old Skeeter has Amy. Amy has a team, but in that moment I’m on my own frantically looking around the room for an adult to take charge of the situation then having the sinking realisation, I am the adult.

I’ll say it again, I love him more than I have the words for. He’s my little best friend.

But

Apologies if these things sound daft. They probably are deep down. I stand by it.

As I said earlier, there are definitely things I could have done to avoid this. There are elements of my personality that make my situation with Skeeter harder to deal with, that’s on me, but we are where we are. Skeeter is nearly 12. His life has changed so much in the last 4 years and there’s only so much change I’m prepared to put him through. We manage the best we can.

Why am I explaining all this? For now, because it’s what is in my head. As I write this, it’s 9pm on a Monday night and my day was started with a frantic rush to the vets with a dog who deteriorated massively in the space of 30 minutes this morning. He’s fast asleep beside me now, wrapped in blankets and waiting for surgery tomorrow. I feel immeasurable guilt for the thoughts I have about not wanting a dog. I don’t want a dog, but I don’t NOT want this specific dog. My heart was breaking this morning thinking I might lose him. That’s quite a complicated thought process. I suppose I’m writing this because if I feel it, someone else out there might too. If even one person can relate and feel just a little bit less guilty knowing that a dog trainer can think like that too, then I’m happy to have helped. To take away the feeling of being judged. To help stop someone battling with their own thoughts.

Another reason to write this is to help people not to fall into the mess I’ve ended up in. Loads of people have dogs on their own, I’m not unique on that. I just do a bad job of it!

My biggest piece of advice…

BUILD THE TEAM

From day one. Find a dog walker, find holiday care, find the people who can sit with your dog while you’re out for the evening. Find professional people to do this. This isn’t about insurance and first aid training. It’s about being able to rely on someone without guilt. If you rely on friends and family to help you, you are always going to feel bad for asking, you’re going to feel like a burden. This will stop you asking, trust me! Then you’re stuck having to cope on your own with a dog you have no help with. If you use a professional, it’s business. They provide a service. It’s okay to ask for help from a service right? No one goes into a shop and feels like a burden for asking for a different size in the new jeans you absolutely have to have, it’s the shop assistant’s job to help. Service providers are here to help, let us. Even if you don’t need us right now this second, build your team. Be ready for every eventuality. You can have the best of both worlds; you don’t have to do this on your own.

To my Skeeter (Jim, Sausage, Boyo, The Son), I am forever grateful for you and I will continue to do everything in my power to give you the absolute best. This isn’t a you problem, it’s a me problem, forgive me for that.